Be strong..

It's 21 of July. It really been a long time since my last entry.
I was busy..I think this is the only reason and the only excuse that I can give.

One week seven days, working for five days....after work I've become so lazy and really not feel like coming out.
Am I really don't want to come out? Or, it's because of there's no one that I can hang out with?

You know, I find myself quite funny, sometimes.
Once, I told some of my friends that I am an optimistic person. There's always a voice within me will support and encourage myself when I need it. But...eventually, the voice is getting softer and softer.
Yes, I have to admit, I am a think-too-much person. There's many times that the situation is not as worse or is not as bad but I will make it so bad that not only making myself suffer but making people around me feel bad. Hurting them..and making them no confident in me.

I dunno. Really. What is the reason that causing me so. Is it I am like this for all the while or, it just some reasons that leading me so.

I am tired of thinking so much.
It's tiring to worry so much....I can tell others so clearly, think positively, submit to God.
But, it's really not easy.

It's been four and the half months I came back here, a lovely island that I was born.
But, things are just so not right for this time.
Maybe I need more time?
Maybe I gotta be more transparent towards them?
Maybe I should not think so much but just insist on my stand?

O, Lord.....strengthen me...guide me and be with me....

I know, there's always hope and future.


A gift from above.

Today is a special day.
Get to have a good rest last night and received a nice gift from my beloved Father.

Years back, when things happened, I will told myself that it's because of coincident.
Now, I won't. God has planned everything for us....or, I should say, for me.
Last year, I joined the Impact conference in SIB, KL. It was really a fruitful conference. I get to know new friends, explore new things and get closer with God.

A friend of mine told me this, and I think it's really suit to apply to me now.
She said,

"Everyone get to know Christ differently. Most of us get to know about Christianity long long time ago, but we do not believe in it.
Is like a plant. Firstly, Mr A water it. But, the plant remain the same.
Then, Mr B water it. Still, nothing happen.
Mr C comes, but everything remains. It keep happen few times and finally, when Mr J comes, he saw the plant growth...."

We need a good timing, patience, trust....to get to another stage.
My gift reminds me of something.

To me, it's a precious one. I was touched when I saw it.
My gift is a group photo from the conference....a letter from a past me.....some caring from my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I know, I know, there's always a purpose that God want us to do anything.

Now, I see the fruits.
I am glad....I am happy, I am proud.

You may confused, do not understand what am I saying.
In simple, I received 'love' from above.

Let's smile and brighten up everyone.




Time flies, I already work for one month. So, logically, I've get my first pay lo!

Look at my charm smile, then you'll know that...yes, I did get my pay. hohooo.
My feeling of getting my first pay is a bit....different. Honestly, it's like getting my monthly allowance when study. But, the only different is the amount la.... **hoho**
Other than that...nothing much lo... ***:P

After working, I notice something. I become lazier.
Everyday after work... I will stay home **most of the time** watching TV, online-ing, gunbound etc etc. Even I got nothing to do, I just wish to stay at home.
But, on the other hand, I started to feel the boring-ness of it.
Contradicting ba.. Remind me of a phrase, "nu ren shi shan bian de", in case you don't understand Mandarin, it means that girl are predictable, they will change their minds whenever they want to. True? *ops, not all la...some? but, at least, it does apply to me sometimes*

"wo shi lan tuo zhong, wo shi lan tuo zhong...wo di yi shen dou si zhong..."
*it's another Mandarin song o!*
This is a song that I used to sang when I was in primary. It's a simple song...the lyrics do not contain much meaning..but then, it's a song that to express laziness.
Within one week, I've been singing this song for few times. So, I guess..I really want to express my laziness lo! :P
Some said, lazy..is not easy. There's tons of works waiting for us to do, but, we will tend to find reasonsss (or, better to say as excuses) to let ourselves lazy.
How powerful is the lazy disease.

I think, sometimes is good to be lazy...can relax....for at least a while ba.


O, ya..back to "my charm smile" that I mentioned earlier. It reminds me of a memory.

I guess it was two or three years back.
I was still in LKW, Andrew and Grace were not left to Melbourne yet.
Four of us were in our FTV class, discussing about our script.
Then, I wrote something as, "the charming girl"...
then, what happen next is, Andrew laugh at me! **how dare him!! argg...*
Laugh...non-stop. Even I showed him my innocent look!
Grace and I also agree that, we can use "charming" for a girl ba....even it is use for guy, mostly.

Although it's not something important...it's just a small part of my study life. But, I know, I will never forget...what had happened.
Until now, I am still confuse! Is it really cannot use "charming" for a girl??

p/s-- miss the sooong family o......


is me...or others?

I felt that, I'm a funny person.
I always feel that I'm A type of person. But, I found out that I am acting like a B type one, I started to wonder.
When I'm trying to analyze and find out the causes, I realized that I'll pull out tons of reasons (*or, better to say as excuses) to reassure and comfort myself.
Isn't I'm funny.? Or, that everyone is acting this way?

Woo.. sound complicated.

Ok, put in this way..
I always think that I'm a friendly person. But, sometimes, somehow, I will found out that I acted differently. Then, I tried to give reasons...
I acted so, is because there's too many new people around.
I acted so, is because I'm too new.
I acted so, is because they are not friendly enough to me.
I acted so, is because we are not click! Our topics are just...so different.
I acted so, is because...they are too young/old....our age range is different.
I acted so....


Whenever a person like me (a friendly la...), I think I can survive well and get close with others easily.
But sometimes, I realized that I just cannot blend in with the others.
I felt that I'm trying to push the responsibility to others..than myself.

'See..it's because of them....not me!'

Blend in, is not easy. Like a friend of mine say,
it takes time to get to know a person, it takes time to get use with the environment, it takes time to be with them, take time to have the same topic......
it takes time to blend in.

Besides, you yourself, play an important role. (**aww...'important role' this phrase was normally used in my assignments).
You need to put efforts to blend in.
Have some tea with them...try to pay attentions to them, even the topic you're not interested...


Sometimes, I just dunno what I want.
Work hard, siewmay! For sure you can o!!

**Put a smile on your face, as you wont know you've brighten up someone's day!**



Been start working for 2 weeks.
Time flies, so fast, it already been 2 weeks. Bit unbelievable le. J

So…frankly n properly speaking, now I’m a working class people d.
Hmm, but to me, seems not much difference.

So, what’ve I learn or done all these while le?
Hmm….learning lo.
Learning with all the processes..
Learn to deal with the system…
Learn to adapt to my job n environment….and, for sure…colleagues.

I’ve been blessed with a really friendly and nice senior who teach me all my ‘responsibilities’.
**ya, trust me…my responsible is quite big le**
And, I’ve quite some nice and sweet neighbor. In the whole office, I would say, my department is one of the most happening one.

My colleagues they will chit chat while stress….laugh loudly when heard of jokes….
Actually, it’s quite not bad.

Eventually, I realized something. Our department is really bz. As so, about two third of our time all of us are really really busy that we can only stay on our place and work hard with our jobs in order to get to go home.
**no hyperbola, k!**

Been a new hire for two weeks, I started to handle with jobs. There are few days that I’m loaded with works that I din even have time to drink and go to rest home.

I wonder, how I will be after few months. But still, thank God that I got this ‘busy’ job. I am that kind of people who will die of bored. So, with much works, I get to use my time even better.


So, so far made mistakes, being call into my superior’s office, been making jokes with colleagues, drowned with works, and stress with figures.

But, as I see, there’s much much more to go.

So, just smile, and we’ll have another unexpected and wonderful tomorrow lo!!


Yes, I do.

Was accompanying my sister to pay her credit card.
As most of you all know (or, you totally have no idea!?) that Bumiputera Commerce and Southern Bank has now became CIMB. As so, the queue for making payment is REALLY long.
As a nice sister, I waited patiently. Listening to radio and playing Tetris that Ivan downloaded...then I heard a song by Faye Wong, willingness (in Mandarin: wo yuan yi).

It is a nice song.
It reminds me of many things.

At work, with a willing heart, you will able to learn more.

In a relationship, with a willing heart, you will know more about your partner; you will have a good & mutual relationship.

It then reminds me of marriage.

Last year, it was the first time in my life witnessed my friend's wedding (my first Christian friend). I was really touched when pastor praying for them and also the very important moment--when they were saying the vow.
It was...it was...so pretty.

Let's imagine...
when we stand on the picture and look at it, you will notice that willingness is really an important element.

Willing to step out..
Willing to speak up...
Willing to stand firm..
Willing to spend time...
Willing to know....
Willing........to make a vow.


Wondering, one day after many years...will I be standing in my church and make my vow to my spouse, with a most willing and excited heart...

*The seed we sow today determine the kind of fruit we'll reap tomorrow -- ODB*



Time flies.
Now onwards I fall under the category of 'working'.
Sound older d...ops. ;p

It is my second day in work.
As I'm still new, my working life is still quite boring.
Get to learn about the processes and softwares...but, to me, I guess it would need some time to catch up with them. Just wish me luck~

For the past two nights, I cant sleep well.
So, for these two morning I was dragging my tired body to work.
Opening my tired eyes, learning and memorizing tasks.
Awww.. I miss my sleep time. *ops*

Other than these, there's nothing much that happened.
Is this the routine of working life? Or, there's much more for me to experience?

I am not sure, but, these two days to me.....were strange.

Unable to sleep well.
Miss my devotion.
Unstable emotions.

I just..dunno.

Realised something. I used to have this habit of saying 'I dunno'
But, I get to get rid of it years ago, and now it comes back!
I wonder, when I saying 'I dunno', is it really means that I do not know what is happening or what is the reason behind? Or, I just try to stay away from the prob.

O Lord, strengthen me..and grant me with courage.... guide me, Lord.